What’s Wrong With A Little Bit of Violet?

It was blue, he felt, that was wrong. It was unnatural.

The enemy, the deviants, the perverts — they were blue. These people must be confronted, and they must be stopped from wearing blue, from advocating blue, and from proudly being blue. Blue was disgusting!

So, he led a charge to preserve the existing laws against being blue. He went further. He did everything he could to change people from being blue to being violet. “God,” he proclaimed, pointing to his own color, “made us violet!” He founded an anti-blue organization. He funded a pro-violet campaign. He wrote several pieces on the effectiveness of color-change counseling, and he spoke at conferences for youth advocating color purity.

But shockingly, at the heights of his anti-blue influence, three set backs occurred that had him changing colors right and left. First, his wife discovered that he had a blue relationship with his personal secretary. But, upon defending his blue to his wife, he turned bright red. Secondly, his taxes were audited — he had hidden some income — which caused him to cameleon into a very deep shade of yellow. Finally, he was hit by a bus while crossing a busy street, which of course made him no color at all.

He went straight to heaven, and upon arriving there he announced to God, “Too soon, my good man! You pulled the plug too soon. There’s anti-blue work to be done. Send me back. I must defend your dear, violet people!”

“Not happening,” said God.

“I know I wasn’t perfect!” he protested. And then, oddly enough, before God and in heaven, as he spoke he began to color again, brightening into a light, thin shade of red. He continued, “But whatever you have on me, you know that I fought the blue people, and I defended the cause of natural, normal, decent folks.”

“It’s not happening, ” said God.

“But why?” shouted the man turning even more red. “Is this about my little bit of blue?”

“No,” said God. “Your blue was far too weakly human to cause me to pull your plug?”

“Is this about my yellow?” he shouted, now gradually turning from red to a very distinct shade of violet.

“What?” said God. “Are you kidding?”

“Then what is this about?” screamed the now very, very violet man. “I did a lot of good on earth! I deserve some respect here. I demand that you tell me, now!”

“It’s about that,” said God, pointing at him.

“What, in God’s name,” said the man, looking at his outstretched finger, “is wrong with a little bit of violet?”

“Yours,” said God, “is unnatural.”